The GruntMumble Lexicon

Of all the things you probably thought you would need to know in order to successfully raise a teenage boy (ie: keep him alive until age 21, whereupon he can damage himself with stupid stunts if he wants but he's paying the ER bills from now on), I would be surprised if you knew that foreign languages would be required.  One language, specifically, and it ain't the one you speak.

I present for your edification ($$ college word), the GruntMumble Lexicon for your rigorous study and preparation.  The practical exam will take place on or about your son's 15th birthday.

The GruntMumble Lexicon (Unabridged)

Cuz [kuhz]
1.  I am uncertain as to your intended connotative meaning with your proffered inquiry.
2.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because a hot girl is nearby, which means I am unable to answer your question.
3.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because I have not eaten in nearly 10 minutes and my brain is dying from lack of food.
4.  I do not wish to answer this question as I feel the answer may incriminate me.

Idunno [ey-dun-oh]
1.  I am uncertain as to your intended connotative meaning with your proffered inquiry.
2.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because a hot girl is nearby, which means I am unable to answer your question.
3.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because I have not eaten in nearly 10 minutes and my brain is dying from lack of food.
4.  I do not wish to answer this question as I feel the answer may incriminate me.

I'm Hungry [Ey-ammm-hung-gar-ree]
1.  I am, in fact, starving this very moment. I realize I have two legs, which work very well if cleats or a ball of some shape are involved, but which seem to cease functioning if I am required to feed myself.  There is a very real possibility that I may starve to death before dinner is finished.  I am also aware that I have been sitting on the couch for 2 hours and the kitchen is only 6 feet away.  But, as mentioned before, I am starving to death and no longer have the strength to move my carcass to the refrigerator.  I.  Need.  Food.

2.  I am, in fact, starving this very moment.  I realize you are dishing up dinner right this very moment, but I require a large bowl of Captain Crunch RIGHT NOW.  It is very likely that after I eat this bowl of cereal I will no longer be hungry enough to eat the meal you have taken the time and effort to prepare.  And, an hour after dinner is over, I will be starving again.  This means I will get all the dishes out and make myself a snack.  It is unlikely that I will clean up after myself.

mhunumhsumnshuh [ghdjkadjhgkdjshmxndhwuv]

1. I wish to convey my displeasure at being forced to communicate.  In fact, that I must acknowledge parental affiliation of any kind grates on my very soul.  I blame you.
2. The details of the event that you are desiring to understand more fully are a) unclear to my recollection b) of a nature that may cause grievous bodily harm to myself and therefore I do not wish to explain them and/or c) possibly illegal.
3.  I am experiencing an uncomfortable degree of confusion regarding my emotional attachment to you, my parent.  On one hand, I am PRACTICALLY an adult and feel I have not received my due recognition as having the ability to make my own life choices.  Do NOT treat me like a child.  On the other hand, I want still want my mommy but there is no way in hell I am going to actually say that.  Thus, I am experiencing a challenging dichotomy and will speak accordingly.

(Shrug) [___]
1.  I am uncertain as to your intended connotative meaning with your proffered inquiry.
2.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because a hot girl is nearby, which means I am unable to answer your question.
3.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because I have not eaten in nearly 10 minutes and my brain is dying from lack of food.
4.  I do not wish to answer this question as I feel the answer may incriminate me.

What [wuh]
1.  I am uncertain as to your intended connotative meaning with your proffered inquiry.
2.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because a hot girl is nearby, which means I am unable to answer your question.
3.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because I have not eaten in nearly 10 minutes and my brain is dying from lack of food.
4.  I do not wish to answer this question as I feel the answer may incriminate me.
 

Whatever [whud-evr]
1.  I am uncertain as to your intended connotative meaning with your proffered inquiry.
2.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because a hot girl is nearby, which means I am unable to answer your question.
3.  I am experiencing temporary memory loss because I have not eaten in nearly 10 minutes and my brain is dying from lack of food.
4.  I do not wish to answer this question as I feel the answer may incriminate me.

I sincerely hope this aids your  teen/parental communication efforts :D  Go hug that big, smelly boy of yours.  He actually wants you to.  But dude, like no way is he going to say so!