Once upon a time . . .
There was a girl who loved to dig in the dirt. And she decided to spend one whole summer digging in the deserts of Utah. Having made this decision, she telephoned her mother and said, "Yo Ma, I need some sweet shirts to dig in." So her mother, being a woman of vast resources and knowledge, sought far and wide for just the right collection of epicness. And illumination came to her mind! She knew which shirt her daughter needed for to diggeth in the soil.
The Three Wolf Moon T-shirt.
If you have never gone to the Amazon site and looked up the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt, do so now. We'll wait. The key is you need to read the customer reviews. Things like this are what give me hope in America's future, for a country without a healthy sense of humor is a country on the rapid downhill slide.
One of my favorite reviews: "The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many.
Since owning the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, I have successfully solved 7 crimes in my city, including 4 cold case murders. The local police force is currently wishing to retain my services."
This is only one of over 2,000 reviews describing the full, awesome power of the Three Wolf Moon shirt.
And yet, you think I and the 2,000 reviewers jest.
I ordered my daughter The Three Wolf Moon shirt, along with a high quality cotton t-shirt featuring over 10 (TEN!) cat pictures, and a third artistic t-shirt depicting the legendary combination of a unicorn AND a rainbow. She was prepared to dig and to dig successfully.
Into the desert she went, day after day, digging among the dead from a thousand years ago, bringing to life the long-abandoned and ruined settlements and homes. With her went the power of the Three Wolf Moon shirt.
Success she did find. And it's called 75 BEANS!!! (reference Junie B. Jones) The less erudite among us might scoff at this discovery, but that would be unwise. Less than a scant handful of these small legumes have been found in the Utah area of a several-century age. That is to say, beans don't last. But they did for the wearer of the Three Wolf Moon shirt!
Now, we had been warned by many that she was underestimating the power of the shirt and that she would need to be on her guard. I was confident, though, that being so far removed from major population bases, she would not need to use her highly trained jumping and running skills to fend off would-be admirers.
Little did we know that she had no preparation for what was to come.
Near the end of the appointed digging time, some people came to the site one day. They asked some questions, took some pictures, and shot some video. Then they went away. They were not thought of again.
And then, a few weeks later, this appeared:
That's right. The Three Wolf Moon shirt (and my girl) debuted on the BYU Homepage, having been donned by my daughter, for all to see.
And the gifts of the shirt kept coming. She scored 3 (that's THREE) dates just from this one picture! 75 beans AND 3 dates! What more could one girl ask for?
We were yet to find out.
Unbeknownst to us, on the other side of the kingdom, a dude named "Travis" was scrolling the web, as we all like to do. His internet surveying took him to many sites that day, among them the BYU Homepage. He took note.
More time passed. It was time for school to start again. I went to her school financial account page to take care of her tuition payment. But what did my wondering eyes behold?! A scholarship notification message was sitting there unopened in her inbox. Did she want to accept a half tuition scholarship? YES! YES, SHE DID!
I texted my daughter, did she know she had a scholarship waiting for her? I got a phone call in return!! "What? Scholarship? What?!" But YES! It was a scholarship! She hurried to accept, in case it was a mistake!
But it was NOT! She was invited to a lunch for scholarship recipients. There she met "Travis," who happened to be a member of BYU's admissions and scholarship committee. He had nominated her for the scholarship. But how? She had never met Travis, had no idea who he was, or that such committee could grant scholarships?! How had this happened?!
He had seen the homepage. He had seen the Three Wolf Moon shirt. And he gave her a scholarship.
So, my friends, judge for yourself. Myth? Mystery? Magic? But 75 beans, 3 dates, and a SCHOLARSHIP don't lie!