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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Ignorance IS Bliss


As a parent, you always want to at least appear to know what you’re doing.  It goes against the nature of adulthood to feel comfortable with not knowing things. Plus, there's a big, big edge in your favor if you can keep the kids thinking you're Omniscient as long as possible. There's a lot of ambient power that comes with your kid thinking you do, in fact, know everything, even the thoughts in their head right this very minute.  It won't last long, but don't give it up one day earlier than necessary!  It took me awhile to learn, therefore, that there is wisdom in protecting ignorance in certain quarters.

It's scary! (No, not really.)
For example.

I do not do bionicles.  I will do legos, k'nex, and wooden blocks.  I am all over stacking wooden blocks.  I can make a tower like nobody's business.  But I do not know how to put together a bionicle.  It's not that they float above my ability level, I simply refuse to learn. When presented with a handful of plastic bits and a whine of “Moooooooommmmyyy I can’t do it!  Fix it for meeeee!”  I fall short.  I’m sorry, I don’t know how to make bionicles.  That's it, stop whining.

I do not deal with animals, other than the human kind.  I do not do tanks, aquariums, pumps, tubes, plants, shrimp, algae, fish, turtles, eels, frogs, whatever.  I do not clean cages.  I do not know how to make the hamster happy.  I do not know anything about 4 footed creatures or things that live in water, swamps, or suspended in the air.  And you can’t make me learn.

I. Do. Not. Do. Video. Games.  I have no idea how to get Mario through the Rainbow Valley of Death.  I do not know what cheat codes you need to help Kirby find the Atomic Princess.  I can’t even get Pac Man through one frame.  Though I may be a child of the Atari generation, I do not play video games.  And in this case, it’s legit.  I frankly stink at any and all gaming systems and I always have.  Matthew really, really wanted to share a game of Castle Crashers with me.  I told him I wasn’t any good.  In his wonderful, sweet, 7 year-old mommy loyalty, he didn’t believe me.  “You’re great at everything, Mommy!”  After three rounds, he invited me to not play any more.  Ah well.

Cow Racing on Wii is a riot, however.  But still, I am really, really terrible at it.

A strange, strange land to me.
Why would I protect this ignorance, you may be wondering? Well, I could give you a very nicely reasoned, psychologically sound answer of "It truly encourages their independence and problem-solving skills."  And it would be true, as an academic, stand-alone reason.  For me personally, it would be a lie.  It's simply a quick way to shut off the whining NOW.  If a kid knows you CAN do it for him and they want your help now, they will whine and cry and fuss until you do it. At least a few of mine will.  I do have a couple who WILL do it themselves, whatever "it" is and no matter how old they are.  Different set of problems.  

But most kids want to do what the older kids are doing and they want to do WAY before they actually can do it.  They find big brother's Megaloid Raksha Deluxe Motorized Bionicle for ages 14+, college degree recommended.  And the kid wanting to put together and play with this item is 3.  Review of the situation: this will not be child making the toy with help from Mom.  This will be Mom making the entire toy for kid, then kid whining and running back for Mom to fix it every time a part comes off.  Which will happen every 37 seconds.  No thank you.  So I just make sure I'm too much of a dummy to be helpful.

I'm so confused . . . 
It's the same with video games.  All the teens are playing Mario Kart 12, level 43, Slalom Slide of Shamu.  So the 5 year-old wants to play too, but it's waaay over his head.  "Moooooom!  Get me past this level so I can play with them!"  The fact that the next level is harder than this level, which they cannot do, is beyond 5 year-old logic.  But all of this is nicely averted because Mommy is a complete moron when it comes to Mario anything.  The whining stops because they figure out there really, truly, is no point.  Mom cannot fix this one.

It is OK to not solve every problem for your child immediately. (It's actually really, really good to not solve every problem for them.  But that's a whole extra blog topic: "Don't Be A Helicopter Mom 101")  It is OK to be stupid in some things.  Child safety?  No.  Nutrition? Nyet.  Basic literacy? Don't even go there.  But Video Games?  Oh ya.  Bring on the Dunce Cap, I'll wear it with pride.

2 comments:

  1. My favorite "mom must be omniscient" moment? Asking your child if they know why they are in time out and they give you a whole list of things they've done wrong that you had no idea about. they just figured you knew!! I'm guessing this wears off eventually--but at 3 it's a tool. No kate--you're in time out for locking your mom in the bedroom so she had to climb out through the window to get back in the house--but thanks for letting me know you "sneaked the candy". ;)

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  2. Ahahahahaha, you may have a looooong road ahead of yo there!

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